I'm one of those people who like to rush from place to place in my life; from stage to stage. When I was growing up, I was often called "an old soul" and it was true. I always longed to be more grown up than I was. When I was in highschool I couldn't wait to be in University. When I was in University I couldn't wait to be in a relationship and then married. As soon as I was married and had finished putting away our wedding gifts we started talking babies...as soon as the first baby came we decided we'd better build a bigger house. House was built...hardly finished... sold, second baby...moved to new house....the plans just never stop.
Now it looks like we may have a whole new set of plans that will take us in a new direction entirely in life. My husband really isn't ready for me to spilling beans on this blog here, but let's just say it's a whole new adventure I hadn't anticipated....and no, it's not a baby #3.
It's daunting to say the least, another 5 years before we can really be settled (settled? What's that?) and another move or two ...or....oh man, can I even do this?
It's really tempting to wish it was all over and I could settle into a new life five years from now, without having to go through all the transition that the next 5 might have to offer. Perhaps if I'm lucky I could squeeze my eyes shut really tight and pop them open to find that all the hard work and sacrifice that needs to go into the next few years will be over and I will have finally "arrived" at the destination toward which I have been hurtling myself since childhood; a made up scenario of what my life should really look like.
Except God doesn't like my shoulds very much, cause He's already rearranged a couple of them, closed some doors, opened others I didn't know I could walk through and given me gifts I never asked for.
Mostly I know He really doesn't like my plan of shutting down for the ride and wake me when it's over.
Countless times in His word God calls us to have hearts that are filled with contentment, and yes, it's often in the context of our physical needs and not longing for monetary wealth, but on a deeper level contentment also means being present and happy with our circumstances, not being impatient with our lives. We can't really rush the journey anyways, the only thing we succeed in is making ourselves anxious and miserable. We miss out on the little blessings and extraordinary gifts that are being lavished on us...right now.
What I'm really trying to say is that it has hit me how much I live my life for the next big thing rather than slowing down to just live life as it is right now. Both times I was pregnant with my children I spent so much of my heart on longing for their arrival and preparing for it, that I didn't spend as much on cherishing each little piece of just being pregnant.
These next few years will be a lot like being pregnant in the sense that it will be all about preparing and working for something that will come to fruition later. The real trick of living in contentment will be enjoy what is going on right now without needing it to be something else.
In the next five years my daughter will go from being 5 to being almost 11 years old. Those are some of her most important childhood years, I can't afford to blink let alone screw my eyes shut and will it over. My son will start school, start adventures of his own, both of my kids will need me to give them the consistency and home base that only a present and content mother can. My husband will need that too.
More and more I am realizing that right now is what matters most. My life may never get to look like my childhood daydreams....being settled may be something quite different than my expectations. It may just mean being settled and rooted no matter where life takes us. It may mean waking up each morning happy and content to just be right where we are....right now.
well said. Always well said.